Dear ABBY: Our friend “Carrie” has revealed to our close group of friends that in recent years she has been having an affair with her best friend “Julia’s” husband. Their children are best friends and they spend a lot of time together, even taking family vacations.
We have told Carrie many times how this could affect the children, which she accepts, but the affair continues. This dirty secret is getting harder and harder to keep because we love Julia, but no one wants to be the whistleblower. Should we tell Julia, or wait until it inevitably comes out? – CAPTURED IN RHODE ISLAND
DEAR ROTTEN: Are you sure that Julia knows nothing about this matter and has not chosen to ignore it? Julia has children who still live at home. If you spill the beans, what will that do to the pristine lifestyle they apparently enjoy? If you’d rather not hear about Carrie’s antics, tell her you don’t want to know anymore. But I vote to keep my mouth shut when it comes to making revelations.
Dear ABBY: My son and his wife have been married for three years and have an 8-month-old son. She stays at home to take care of the baby. My son also works from home. He has now taken up a second job to make ends meet, so three days a week he works from 7am to 3pm and then leaves between 5pm and 10pm and comes home at 11pm .
His wife believes in co-sleeping, which means she sleeps in bed with the baby while my son sleeps on a mattress on the floor. This has happened since the child was born. My son also does 80% of the cooking. They live a thousand miles away so I can’t help. He is almost her slave. I don’t want to say anything, but I wish their marriage would last. What should I do? – CONCERNED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR CONCERNED: The last thing you need to do is interfere. If your son doesn’t complain about the deal, stay out of it. If the situation becomes intolerable, your son will deal with it.
Dear ABBY: It has been five years since my position as a professor at a small graduate school ended. I was forced out after 30 years of teaching and two years short of my announced retirement date. I didn’t do anything wrong. The reasons given were unclear. Being deprived of a solid explanation hurts me deeply.
There was no severance pay and no benefits. I lost a significant amount of income at a crucial time in my life, but no one seemed to mind. For a long time I was sick of the heart. I still can’t find it in myself to forgive the dean and the head of the school. But somehow, I feel like I should. How can I get stuck? I have actually moved on in many ways, but I just can’t forgive. – STILL NEEDED
DEAR INJURY: Here’s how to get stuck: Find a competent attorney who specializes in wrongful termination and discuss what was done to you. Follow the lawyer’s advice and when you are properly compensated, you will likely be in a much more forgiving mood than you are today.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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