Dear ABBY: I am a woman in my early 20s and have been dating my husband for two years.
I love him very much and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He plans to propose before the end of the year and we plan to get married next year.
Sex with him is amazing. However, I have a very active libido (probably similar to that of a teenage boy) and I would be fine with having sex every morning, day and night.
Hey, on the other hand, once a week is fine, if that. I feel deprived and sad. We have discussed this and he claims he knows he needs to improve, but there has been no change.
I don’t know if I want to say yes if this is what marriage with him will be like. I’m afraid he’s going to propose now because I’m not sure I can marry him if he’s not as into sex as I am.
Sex is an extremely important activity in my life. I had great sex with a previous boyfriend and actually thought about contacting him. (I won’t lie.)
Should I settle? I don’t want to miss sex as often as I want to. It doesn’t seem fair to me. I don’t want to end the relationship because he is everything else I love.
He is a good man, loving, generous, kind, thoughtful, funny, intelligent, a great conversationalist, fun, adventurous, but with almost no sexual desire. Can you provide any insight? – WOE IN MISSISSIPPI
DEAR POOR: You are young and, I assume, there is not a big age difference between you and your boyfriend.
When this otherwise ideal man pops the question, your response should be that before you accept his proposal, you want both of you to have premarital counseling.
During some of those sessions, point out the disparity in your sexual desires. There may be more than one way to solve your problem.
Discuss this with a licensed sex therapist, who can help you explore how you can be more satisfied without your lover feeling “forced to perform.”
Dear ABBY: I became a grandmother 20 years ago. My first grandchild was biracial and I suspect that’s why my best friend, “Dori” never accepted it. When I mailed her photos several times, they were not accepted.
Now, 20 years later, Dori has finally become a grandmother through adoption. Although I am happy for him, it hurts that my four grandchildren were ignored. I felt generous baby gifts.
How can I get over my unhappiness without making a fuss? I don’t want my grandchildren to ever meet him, as I feel any interest would be idle curiosity and not sincere. Dori didn’t even ask me their names. – REMOVED TO CALIFORNIA
Dear Bitter: Why do you refer to this woman as “best friend”? From what you wrote, Dori stopped being your friend 20 years ago.
You thought about sending her nephew “generous gifts” (or any gifts at all). As I see it, there is more than one way to deal with this situation.
The first would be to tell Dori your feelings. The second is to continue living your life without him in a leading role.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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