Dear Abby: My friend needs a divorce – how do I tell her?

Dear ABBY: How do I tell my friend “Lila” that I think she would be happier if she divorced? To be clear, I don’t think her relationship is unsafe – it’s just unhappy. Things have been difficult with her wife for a while now. They keep trying to work things out, but every few months, something new pops up or becomes a problem again.

Lila cares a lot about her wife. She really wants to make things work, but I keep hearing that she feels neglected and unattractive because of the way her wife treats her. I’m obviously only hearing half the story, but it sounds like Lila is going all out to make the relationship work, and her wife isn’t responding in kind.

Part of the problem might be that Lila is introverted and doesn’t have many friends besides me and her wife, and that might be why she clings to that relationship so much. I think they would both be happier if they stopped trying to make the marriage work and went back to being friends, but I don’t know how to tell Lila that, or even if I should. Please help. — HEARING IN MARYLAND

HEARD: Stay out of it. Lila needs a friend and a sounding board at this point, not a life coach. If her marriage is as dysfunctional as you’ve described, she’ll know sooner or later whether it’s time to “get it” or end it. Understand that when divorces occur, most couples do not “go back to being friends” unless there are children involved.

Dear ABBY: I ran an event with a local service organization. Many hours were spent planning and decorating. During the program, some members playfully started throwing items from the centerpieces at the guest speakers. At the end of the program, most of the centerpieces of the room were dismantled and placed on the floor.

My committee had the job of cleaning up, which was hard and tiring. We felt that the many hours we spent planning and doing hard work were not respected because of these juvenile actions. This was an end of year program, ringing in the new officers and celebrating a great year gone by, and there are always a few light bites. But I’ve never experienced total chaos before. Should I say or describe something to celebrate a successful year-end? — DEAR ALBANIAN IN TEXAS

Dear FLABBERGASTED: Were these members drunk or just disorderly? By “lightheartedly” destroying the centerpieces and throwing parts of them at the speakers? How disrespectful to all involved, not to mention potentially dangerous!

I don’t think what happened should be ignored. By all means, speak up. You and the other committee members certainly have the right to tell the authors how it made you feel. You are not the only person who is confused. So am I.

Dear ABBY: What can I get for Christmas for my brother who is terminally ill with cancer? Nothing seems right—not music, books, or any of the things he’s always loved. I’m at a loss. Any thoughts? — SAD IN OREGON

DEAR BROKEN: I am so sorry about your brother’s diagnosis. The surest way to give him something he will enjoy would be to ask him what he would like. His activities may decrease, but he can point you in the right direction.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.